Before diving into a difficult or challenging conversation at work, it is critical to understand and be clear about why they’re so important.
There are many reasons for each different situation, but start by identifying why this conversation is difficult as well as why it’s important. Consider: This is How to Have Hard Conversations (Medium, 2019) and 3 Reasons Why Tough Conversations are the Best Conversations to Have (Inc., 2018). Oftentimes, we try to skirt around issues or challenging conversations to preserve each other's feelings, maintain a sense of "professionalism", or reduce conflict (or potential conflict), but avoiding issues has its own challenges and cost. Being clear with yourself and your employee about why this conversation is difficult AND why it's important sets a solid foundation of transparency, honesty, and care for the conversation.
Additionally, timing is critical. Feedback is best given in a timely manner (see resources below), and similarly, here are 3 Reasons You Should Have Difficult Conversations Now (Entrepreneur, 2014).
Four Things to Do Before a Tough Conversation, Harvard Business Review (2019)
- Get your motives right
- Get your emotions right
- Gather the facts
- Get curious!
How to Have Difficult Conversations at Work, Forbes & How to Handle Difficult Conversations at Work, Harvard Business Review (2015)
- Be direct
- Be specific
- Plan out the conversation (but don’t script)
- Watch your language (words matter!)
- Offer a solution (consider coaching models)
- Manage your emotions
- Be empathetic
- Allow the other person to ask questions
There are many other factors outlined in the above articles, and even some more that are important as well. Consider this article, How to Have Difficult Conversations at Work (Fast Company) that also discusses the importance of context and format – “how” to have the conversation doesn’t just mean just the words, but everything else that’s being built and communicated!
Not to mention the challenges of a masked, hybrid, or remote world! Difficult Conversations: More Difficult than Ever (SHRM) has strategies and advice for lots of different modes of communication.
Relationship to the Performance Process
Performance evaluations and conversations can be especially challenging. Especially if these conversations only happen annually, they can feel very high-stakes, and remembering everything you want to include (for both the manager and the employee) can put a lot of pressure on a single conversation. Especially if there are issues in the workplace - either interpersonal or with performance - these conversations become even more fraught, and both sides dread having them.
But they don't have to be so stressful!
A few tips to reduce the stigma, challenge, and potential conflict in your performance conversations:
- There should be NO surprises for your team member during a performance conversation!
- Feedback should be given immediately, so anything that comes up as important in your annual (or semi-annual) performance review is something that should already have been discussed and out in the open. It may certainly still warrant further discussion/notation in the review, but it shouldn't be a surprise.
- For example: "You've been more than a half-hour late to work 17 times this year," should be addressed as soon as the latenesses begin adding up - the first time the employee hears about this should be on a day when they are late, not in their performance review. It may, however, also be important to address in the performance process.
- Have performance conversations throughout the year
- Bridge allows you to pull goals, achievements, and learning modules into your 1-on1 agendas with each team member.Tracking and discussing these throughout the year as they occur not only makes the performance process less stressful for everyone, it makes it MUCH easier, since most of the information will be auto-loaded into each evaluation!
- The Office of Human Resources recommends meeting with each team member at least every other week. Discussing challenges, accomplishments, and best practices in addition to day-to-day work creates a theme of conversation focused on growth, development, and collaboration that easily translates into the performance process, making that conversation not much different than any others you have throughout the year (just maybe a few more notes!).
- Schedule pre-performance check-ins so your team members can ask you if there's anything they should focus on or speak directly to - the performance process in Bridge is standard across all administrative (non-union) staff, so you may want people to reflect on and speak to more particular topics within your department
- Encourage your team to reflect and set goals in collaboration - whether that's with you individually, scheduling time for your full team or department to talk together, or utilizing resources such as OHR workshops or modules in Bridge on goal setting or strategic brainstorming.